Today, I was fortunate enough to finish off my last essay for this academic year for university. I was tired and I was satisfied. I actually finished it within the comfort of my church’s new coffee house, The Cove (which if you’re in the local area, you should totally come, not because it’s my church or because I work there but because it does really good coffee like REALLY GOOD coffee!), and someone asked me how I felt that I finished not just that essay but all of my work for college. I said to her “Imagine that you’re in a horror film, you’ve seen all your friends get killed and you’re the last person alive and you finally get rid of the hockey masked serial killer, you lay down in exasperation thinking that you’re finally done, after all the pain and misery it’s all over. But then the killer comes back twice as strong and is coming for you and he wants to pull your throat out of your socket.’
Okay, maybe I over exaggerated within the storytelling here but I did tell her it was like the monster coming back when you know that it isn’t dead. The reason why (as many of you that are reading this will know) is that I have only finished my second year. Which means that I still have a bunch of essays to do and a dissertation to write for the upcoming year. So there is a lot of stuff that I’m going to have to do in order to get myself prepared for not just my dissertation, but also for the theology lectures which I will have to get ready for. I have been warned by my close friends in the year above me that the lectures can be more difficult and you need to be fully switched on in order to take it all in. Which as some friends know, I can at times be easily distracted. For instance on my tabs for writing this there are eight separate drafts on stuff I want to talk about and I could either not find the words for them or my mind wandered off towards the ukulele or the internet and sometimes on the odd occasion both!
I wrote sometime last year that when I left my first year many people said to me that the second year would be the hardest, and that was because it was in the middle of the tunnel and there’s no easy way out. I can honestly say that this year has been difficult, in more ways than one. There are many things that I could have done better, like having a better sleep pattern or being more efficient with my time, but these are things that I am going to have to work on myself because unfortunately these things I can never learn in the classroom. In all honesty, if I could restart this year again I would change quite a number of things, like turning up to chapel when I was meant to be leading it (my bad!) but at the same time some of the stuff that has happened this year will eventually make me a better person than the person who is writing this down. As a great man once said,
‘A Christian is not someone who never goes wrong, but one who is enabled to repent and pick himself up and begin again, because the Christ – life is inside him.’ – C.S. Lewis
I just need to pick myself up and carry on, on this walk with God and be encouraged by some incredible company. I have been grateful to the new friendships that I have made with the new batch of students and staff from Mattersey as well as new friends from Full Life Church. To them I say:
I’ll get better, I promise.